There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
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