My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Car puns are really tiring
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
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