The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
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