You feta have a gouda birthday.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
You are aged to perfection.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
More candles means a bigger wish!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
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