I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
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