I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
They say everything gets better with age.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
You are aged to perfection.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
More candles means a bigger wish!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.