For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
You are aged to perfection.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
They say everything gets better with age.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
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