I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.