I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".
Why didn’t my husband laugh at my awesome ice cream joke?
Because he was laughtose intolerant.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
I took my wife out on a date to the ice rink, as entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.