Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
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