My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Go to BabaMail
