The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What does a house wear?
Address.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Go to BabaMail
