Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What does a house wear?
Address.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
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