I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.