I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”