My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.