What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
I met my husband while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper.
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
Go to BabaMail
