Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
I went to a wedding of two nuclear technicians.
The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Two metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage: engagement ring, wedding ring...
And suffering...
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
My partner was always criticising my sense of direction... So I packed up and right!
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married?
The ceremony was so so but the reception was superb.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.
All three said No!
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
I have a spouse in a different nation.
The Imagination.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
How do you tell others that your Israeli husband made coffee?
Hebrew.
I rang the doctor on our way to the hospital, and said, "Quick! my pregnant wife is going into labor, what should I do?"
He said, "Is this her first child?"
I said, "Of course not, this is her husband!"
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
I took my wife out on a date to the ice rink, as entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
Go to BabaMail
