Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
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