I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Nothing really mattress.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I couldn't chair less!
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
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