How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I couldn't chair less!
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
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