Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
I don't know where I put my queen after the last chess game.
Maybe she's lost I need to check.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Where my prose at?
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Tis the sea-sun.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
Go to BabaMail
