Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What do you call ten arctic hares hopping backward through the snow?
A receding hare line.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you call the generation of people that migrated from Italy?
Genitalia.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
All stereos are so typical.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Go to BabaMail
