What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
I know an old man who's a vampire. He's quite long in the tooth.
The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Autumn brings re-leaf from the heat.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner.
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
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