What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
Why did the skeleton need a hug?
Because he had nobody.
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
I think you’re dandelion.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I love you meow and forever.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
We’re mint to be.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
"Now he's just some bunny that I used to know."
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?
It's tide.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
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