What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
What do you call a famous inmate? A cellebrity.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
You’re unbeleafable.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
Visitors are Doolin over these gorgeous views.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Tis the sea-sun.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
The sun is just a big space heater.
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