People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
The pint’s the limit.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle-sifters to sift.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
Why do prisoners have PTSD? Cell Shock.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
A Pun, a Play on Words, and a Limerick walk into a bar....
No Joke.
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
My strategy is simple, knocking them down a pin at a time.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
I'd want to know why the winters are so cold in America. I think Alaska local.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Go to BabaMail
