Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
How do Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code!
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?
A bawl club.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
"Dying to have fun."
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
My grandma is 80% Irish.
People call her Iris.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Car puns are really tiring
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
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