Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
My investment banker used all of my money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle, and when I asked for it back he told me to 'sit on it'.
I think he might be running a Fonzi scheme.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
Go to BabaMail
