If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
You don't like the outdoors? Unbe-leaf-able.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Up to snow good.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
I’m positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
You are aged to perfection.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
me ghosta.
Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.
It will be missed.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
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