I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
I was at my hotel in Spain and wasn't feeling well.
Reception said they had a doctor on staff.
The doctor asked me lots of questions and I was then feeling much better.
I told reception I didn't expect a hotel would have a doctor on staff
They said it was a Spanish Inn Physician
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
These decorations are tree-mendous.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
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