Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
when I’m with you.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Mooning is very ASStrological
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
When dad died he left me his Subaru.
It was his final Legacy.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
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