There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Why can't pencils move?
Because they are stationery.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes
Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
I started dating her when she backed her car into mine at the mall.
I guess you could say we totally met by accident.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
My son claims that he identifies as an ancient Greek string instrument.
Frankly, I think he's a lyre.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
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