What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
"Yoda one for me."
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. “Daddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.
“It’s long story,” replies the father.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
I’m a clover, not a fighter.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
That is not a good sign.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
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