A man was about to propose to his fiancé but as soon as he got down on his knees, she started laughing.
It was a fun knee moment.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
I woke up this morning and saw two birds sitting in the sun in my backyard, eating ice cream.
They were Basking Robins.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
You're acute Valentine.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg!
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
Basketball players make good husbands. They never shoot their wives.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
Sips getting real.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why did the volleyball player join the marines? To serve our country.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Go to BabaMail
