What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
We like rough sets. As long as you practice safe sets, there isn’t a problem.
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Why can't pencils move?
Because they are stationery.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
I was ready and wading!
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
I love you berry much.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
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