How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
Water you doing on [date]?
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body.
In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Some bunny loves you.
Sleigh, what?!
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
What do you call a fashionable, but judgmental monster who howls at the moon?
A What Not To Wear-Wolf.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
You’re sledding a fine line there.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
Come witch me to the party.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Go to BabaMail
