What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
That look soots you.
It's a-boat time we took a vacation!
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Snow joke, the weather is horrible today!
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
"Eggs love you."
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Water you doing, my friend?
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
Something’s goat to give.
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can't see them taking off.
How does Italy execute its criminals?
Guidotine.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
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