How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
French, French Revolution
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Go to BabaMail
