Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Sorry if this is extra cheesy, but you have a pizza my heart.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Scrambled eggs are similar to a losing basketball team because both are beaten.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Go to BabaMail
