Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
People are always after me lucky charms.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
"Oh, I wanna dance with some bunny, with some bunny who loves me."
Are you squiding me right now?
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
Did you know that the Greek god Chronos was in the Mafia?
He was the Don of Time itself!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
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