Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
I was talking to this guy about how I hate geometry. You know what he said to me.
You just have to look at it from a different angle.
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
What do you get when someone stares coldly at you?
Glare ice.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?
It's tide.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
Pirates Private Property.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
I'm acorn-y person.
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
The last time I wanted to go bowling, all the pins were on strike. So I just stayed at home and watched TV instead.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
You really mermaid my day.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
Why was the ghoul so smart?
He always ate brain food!
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
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