Witches are always wand-ering around…
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Shell-abrate the good times!
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: It’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: It’s a sockrifice.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.
Kind of.. Kung Fusing
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
Its ok to kiss a nun....
But don't get into the habit.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
How many saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
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