A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
On Father's Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.
He said it was his pleasure.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
You don't know jack-o-lantern
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
What type of stroke does a classical musician use when swimming?
The Bach stroke!
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
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