If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
I had an instant connection with someone in South Korea. I think they're my Seoul mate.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker
Did you hear the terrible rumor about the volleyball player? That’s what she set!
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Have you read the book about hands? It’s a real page turner.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
There is a commonality between a thanksgiving and a bowler guest. They both love turkey.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
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