What happens if you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Vasco de Balboa told the Queen of Spain, “I discovered a large body of water on my journey.”
She said, “Could you be a little more pacific?”
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Aliens hate playing golf in space as there are too many black holes!
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
Reading is a novel idea.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
Fall leaves whenever winter knocks on the door.
Why did the artist use the bathroom? Because she was consta-painted.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Flying for long distances is very Boeing at times
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What do you think walking on the moon is like?
Not very impactful.
What do you call a French leather coat maker...?
Jim Lapel.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
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