What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
Why does no one trust the man on the moon?Why does no one trust the man on the moon?
Because he has a dark side!
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
I saw an advert in the paper “Yacht for sale”.
As if people don't know what a yacht is for.
Hear about the race between the Yeti and the Sasquatch?
The Sasquatch won, by a big foot.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells, jungle bells…
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
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