What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
I have no shelf control.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
I love you from my head tomato
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
How does the Grammar Nazi party fund its government?
Through a syntax.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
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