The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
You are un-beer-lievable!
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.
“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
My dad used to be an airline pilot, but he decided to retire because it got too Boe-ing.
I went to see the Liberty Bell the other day.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
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