Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
I followed my heart to you.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
I think you’re incredi-bowl.
St. Patrick’s is all about the pursuit of hoppiness!
I've just arrived in Bulgaria. How is it? Sofia, so good.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What's the deal with people who refuse to embrace technology?
Answers on a postcard please.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
Do you believe this? All soccer players, irrespective of their country of origin, have one goal.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
When does the moon gets his/her stomach full? During full moon.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
How did the catholic cowboy greet his priest for confession?
“Howdy, pardoner!”
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
As soon as the plane was invented, things started looking up.
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
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