When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,
I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
Seed between the lines.
You're my purr-son.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
What vehicle does a grammar teacher drive?
A Syllabus.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
One day, a father was washing a car with his son...
The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
I’ve always followed in my father’s footsteps until today.
He turned around and said, “STOP!”
“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
I love you so fairy much.
I call the shots.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Go to BabaMail
