What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Case in punt
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
How do you tell others that your Israeli husband made coffee?
Hebrew.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
I wish you were a fish in my dish.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
The Earth without 'art'...
....is 'EH'
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Treat yo shelves.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
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