Biology - It grows on you.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
A round of Santa-plause, please.
Don't get tide down this summer. 'Tis the season for having fun.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
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