Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
Easter dinner was great today
We made sure it had all the crucifixins'.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
Poor white splash.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Best in snow.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
If snowmen can’t ride bicycles, tricycles, or unicycles, what can they ride?
Icicles!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
What do you call an alien spaceship that's leaking water?
A crying saucer.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
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