How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
Why did the hipster drown?
He went ice Skating before it was cool.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Mooning is very ASStrological
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but It’s tearable.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
Are you still wondering why the basketball player could listen to his music? Don’t you know he broke a record!
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
"I make pour decisions."
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
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