Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Let’s spend some koala-ty time together.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.
Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
"Just one hot chick."
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
We've reached the point of snow return.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What can you serve and never eat? A volleyball!
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Ireland you money, if you’ll pay me back.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
Go to BabaMail
