Tis the sea-sun.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
There was a bald man who married his comb.
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
When facing trouble in the workspace, all the colorists rallied together by saying, "Come what grey, we will overcome all obstacles!"
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
I saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
We are looking pitcher-perfect.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?
One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
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