Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..
I didn't see that coming.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
Rebel without a Claus.
The weather outside is snow joke.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
Are you a card?
We're perfectly suited for each other
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
If you want a loyal marriage, get hitched to a basketball player. He will never pass you, rather he will keep you all to himself.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Now I know why people love footballers – especially the goalies, they are real keepers.
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Wife is about to give birth.
Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby."
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
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