Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
It is October and there are still leaves on trees. I am very corn-fused!
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
Super-duper storm troopers whoop it up at Death Star groupers: helmet thrashing, rebel bashing, laser blasting at party poopers.
What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
What does Frosty the Snowman do to combat his worries about melting?
Take a chill pill!
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
Octopus ocular optics.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
A pessimistic pest exists amidst us.
I eat eel while you peel eel
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
A juni-purr.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
What do you call a dude who really likes autumn?
A fall guy!
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
Football is one habit I will never kick
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