What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall — hope you do too!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
He threw three free throws.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
I hate getting tide down in one place. So let's take an ad-van-ture.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
My friend impresses girls by drawing realistic pictures of trucks. He's a pickup artist!
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch.
He could binomial.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Go to BabaMail
