What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
We have a great connection since you’re wifi-material.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.
“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
You’re my lucky charm.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
Why did the skeleton need a hug?
Because he had nobody.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
We’re traveling winter-nationally.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
Seed between the lines.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
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