Don't get tide down.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
"I whip my hare back and forth."
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?
You don't want to press your luck!
Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
"Love the wine you're with."
Reading sun puns while sunbathing make one well red.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
What can I say? I enjoy going to court.
So sue me.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What is suns favorite chocolate bar?
A milky way.
Go to BabaMail
