Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
We’re a perfect mash.
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Call me on the shellphone.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
As autumn came, the leaves started greeting each other by saying, "Hay there!"
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
Two pebbles washed up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"
Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What do they call the Hunger Games in France?
Battle Royale with Cheese.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What month does every tree dread? Sept-timmmberrr!
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What did one lightbulb say to the other lightbulb on Valentine’s Day?
I love you watts.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Birds too love cheering on their soccer teams. They egg them on.
What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
An ariel assault.
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