Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
You're my purr-son.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
What does the Tour de France and Amsterdam have in common?
They both have a bunch of people on drugs riding around on bikes.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
Baking on Easter Sunday
Crust is risen! Hallelujah!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
I never get tide down to one place when there's so much to sea.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Aloha is a soft laugh.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts:
Leave me the Fuh Cologne.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
My neighbor was walking across the street while carrying the game Scrabble then suddenly dropped it, leaving the game board and pieces on the ground.
I said: “Hey Jeff! What’s the word on the street?”
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Go to BabaMail
