I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Why do old artists never die? They just withdraw.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
As the incessant rain washed away the blue paint of the house, the owner sighed and said, "Cyanara!"
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Which barnyard animal is a famous painter?
Vincent Van Goat
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
Go to BabaMail
