What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
What did summer say to spring?
Help – I’m about to fall!
You’re brew-tiful!
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a Messi guy.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
Go to BabaMail
