My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
Rudder valve reversals
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why an astronaut can be said similar to a football player? They both strive for touchdowns!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
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