What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Did you hear about the rundown swimming pool?
It was a real dive!
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.
It was grounds for dismissal.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
This Valentine's day, I decided to pay extra and buy flowers that look after themselves.
They are Self Raising.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
"Here for the right riesling."
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
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